Well, it settled. Melksham.com is a responsible website so has put together some handy tips for when you’re driving round the ‘Sham.
1. Leave as much snow piled on top of your car, including the windows. Not only will it weigh you down (more traction!) but you’ll also create a whiteout behind you which keeps other cars at a safe distance. Clear as little snow off your windscreen as possible.
2. Turn your hazard lights on. Everyone needs to pay attention to YOU, not the snow or road conditions. Your light show will alert EVERYONE to the fact that it is snowing, thereby making everyone SAFE!
3. Turn your high beams on and leave them on. The heavier the snow, the brighter lights you need, that way you can keep an eye on every individual snowflake falling and avoid being distracted by other things on the road, like cars or Maurice outside Costa.
4. If you have a 4WD/4X4 vehicle, drive as fast as you want. Everyone knows four and all wheel drive are completely failure-proof no matter the conditions. You’ll keep the roads that much clearer by getting to your destination sooner.
5. Brake erratically and frequently. This is to be sure that your brakes work. Give your car as many chances to break traction as possible – it’s the only way you’ll learn how good your car is in the winter.
6. Drive as close as possible to the car in front of you so you can follow their tire tracks exactly, that way you’ll know you won’t go in the ditch.
7. If you see fellow motorists spun-out or in mid-spin; beep, take a photo and upload it to Sham Shoutouts.
8. If you’re having trouble finding traction, be sure to continually floor the accelerator pedal. Not only will this get your engine up to operating temp quicker if you’ve just started up, spinning tires = friction and heat to melt away all that ice! Perfect for when you’re going round Asda roundabout.
Disclaimer: We have to put this disclaimer because some people actually think this is sound advice, it’s not, it’s awful advice, it’s the worst advice anyone could ever give, so probably not best to follow our advice.